The story starts 7/2 at my 37 week appointment when my OB told me that it would be to my advantage to have this baby ASAP, like, this weekend if possible. He guessed she was already 7 lbs and was only going to get bigger. We kind of laughed him off because as we all know, the baby will come when s/he is ready. That night we decided to go for a long walk by the lake, 4 miles to be exact, and when I got home I had my bloody show. I told S that things might be getting started and he said “We should go to bed right away!” I said, “We should stay up and pack the hospital bags!” He went to bed early, I stayed up till 1:00am googling ‘bloody show’ and talking to my online girlfriends about whether or not it meant something.
My water broke at 9:30 AM, on 7/3 I had gotten up and was planning to go for another walk but that didn’t happen! It was just a small gush of clear fluid after I stood up from using the toilet but I knew my water broke. I could tell this was vaginal, not pee like lots of people think and I actually thought it was blood before checking. I actually smelled it to make sure it wasn’t pee, but that was a bad idea because it just smelled like dirty underwear. LOL. I called my OB and she said to come to Labor and Delivery to be checked. Of course S wasn’t home and wasn’t answering his phone. He had gone into work to finish up a project and I called him no less than ten times before he answered. We also hadn’t packed our hospital bags so there was some scrambling! I finally got a hold of S and told him he needed to come home, then I showered and shaved my legs (this seemed important), then packed my bag. We went to the hospital at 11:00 and drove through my favorite fast food restaurant, Portillo’s on the way. I ended up being a bit too keyed up to really eat but I’m glad we stopped. 🙂
We arrived at the hospital at 12:00, went to triage where they confirmed that my water had broken. We sat there until 2:00, in total disbelief that this was actually happening! In Triage they hooked me up to a fetal heart monitor, a contraction monitor and blood pressure cuff. I wasn’t contracting at all, even though my water had been broken for 4+ hours.
Around 2:00 they took us up to the Labor and Delivery Floor. They inserted an IV into my hand to administer 1. Fluids, 2. Antibiotics (I was positive for Group B Strep) and 3. Pitocin to start contractions. The first IV attempt was a massive fail and left me with a softball sized bruise and blood sprayed all over the floor but the 2nd try worked. They asked me a bazillion questions and then the Anesthesiologist came in to ask me questions and confirm my desire for an epidural at some point. They talked us through the procedure and said to call whenever I was ready. Looking back, if I had known that there was no reason to start pitocin immediately I would have waited. I hadn’t expected to be in the position I was in and I wasn’t prepared.
At 3:30 they started the Pitocin drip and I started walking the halls with S. I wanted to be on my feet as long as possible since the bed in the room was NOT comfortable! I also asked them to bring a birthing ball for me to sit on when I came back.
Pitocin made the contractions come hard and fast. Within 15 minutes I was contracting every 2 minutes and they were about 45 seconds long. (I was tracking on my iPhone haha) They felt like intense menstrual cramps and rapidly became strong enough that I couldn’t talk through them. I used S to lean on during them and the nurse applied counter pressure to my hips which was REALLY helpful. After about an hour of walking I went back to the room and labored on the ball while watching a movie. Steve was a big help, even though it was hard to watch him enjoying the movie while I was in so much pain.
They had cleared me to have ‘clear fluids’ so I was drinking water this whole time. I had some apple juice too but it made me nauseated so that was bad. Since I wasn’t allowed to eat I asked that no one eat in the room and no one was allowed to talk about food either.
At 5:30 I had had enough of the pain so I asked for the epidural. I asked for it as soon as I thought I might want it because I didn’t know how long it would take for them to get to me. It took about 45 minutes for them to get to me because there was an emergency on the floor.
The epidural/spinal went really quickly. S had to leave the room to keep things sterile but the nurse helped me sit still during the contractions. All I felt was a little prick when they numbed my back and the relief was immediate. My legs felt a bit warm and heavy but I wasn’t totally numb, I could still move and was in control of my legs (altho I wouldn’t have tried to stand or anything though). After the epi they inserted a catheter and I was set.
After that I pretty much just hung out for a few hours. T and Mom drove up from KY and arrived around 7:00 and my dad came in from the suburbs to hang out with us. They were there from 7-10 and it helped to pass the time! By 10:00 I was EXHAUSTED. Even though you can’t feel the contractions your body is still working really hard so you get tired. I kicked everyone out at 10:00 and tried to sleep.
Before my family left, at 9:00, a resident checked my cervix and I was only 3cm and 50% effaced. So, it was apparent to me that this was going to be a 4th of July baby. That helped me with the decision to go to sleep because I knew she wasn’t coming any time soon.
Steve and I slept from 10-1. He was out like a light, I was less comfortable but I got some good rest. The beds in labor and delivery are not made for resting, they are made to push babies out. It was kind of like sitting on a padded table. Also, despite the fact that they had at least 7 empty rooms on the floor they kept trying to tell me that they didn’t have any more pillows. Also, they wanted me to switch the side I was lying on every 1.5 hours and every time I switched sides I’d puke. Fun! I started getting a migraine during this time and spiked a fever. I found out later that a fever is a very common side effect of epidurals.
Around midnight my epidural started to wear off just in the right side of my abdomen so I was starting to feel contractions again. They were really strong and I had to breathe through them. I told the nurse that I could feel them again and they decided to check me again before upping my medication. Well, Voila, I was complete! They actually didn’t believe that I had dilated 7 centimeters in just 4 hours so they had two people check and I was ready to go. So I woke Steve up and told him it was TIME (just like in the movies haha) It was definitely surreal!
It ended up being helpful to be able to feel the contractions again when it was time to push because I had a better sense of timing.
Once they figured out I was ready to push they called the doctor who was on call and 20 minutes later I was pushing! I only pushed for 40 minutes, which was apparently really short for a first timer. I asked for a mirror for the end of the bed so I could see her head coming down. It was helpful to have something to focus on but they moved it when she actually came out so I didn’t get to see that 🙁 Annoying
Towards the end she was showing signs of distress so they told me that if I wasn’t able to get her out in the next 2 contractions they would need to use forceps. I remember that I didn’t really understand why and we briefly discussed vacuum vs forceps. The threat of having my baby pulled out of me was enough to make me push as hard as I possibly could and I pushed her out 2 contractions later. I actually reached down and touched her and helped to guide her out. That was awesome. Next time I’d like to do that and take her/him straight to my chest.
Since she came so fast my birth canal and perineum weren’t able to stretch as much has they should have so I ended up with a third degree tear that they had to stitch up. NOT recommended. It took over 45 minutes to stitch me back up, it was scarring.
I had wanted to take the baby to my chest and try to breastfeed right away but since I had a fever during labor and was positive for Group B strep, they had to take her to the NICU for a 48 hour observation to make sure she didn’t have any sort of infection. (This was the bad part of my experience.) So, when she came out, S announced the sex but was not able to cut the cord because she was still in distress and not crying. The Dr cut the cord and they took her to the warming station, suctioned her, etc until she cried. Time pretty much stopped for me until she cried!
Q was born at 2:01am on 7/4/10, 7lbs 1oz, 21.5 inches.
Luckily for me the team from the NICU took a long time to come down (this became a theme with them, everything taking a really long time) and take her so I was able to hold her and meet her for about 10 minutes. It was priceless. I’m so glad I was able to hold her before they took her away. I would have been an absolute mess if they had just taken her. Then they took her upstairs and I was stitched up (TONS of stitches). They wouldn’t let S go with her even though I wanted him to stay with her. (I still don’t understand. Babies shouldn’t have to be separated from their parents.) We called our families and other friends. It was 2:00am so we didn’t call too many people!
Once they were done with me they took us up to our room on the recovery floor and we stopped by the NICU to see her. S got to hold her for the first time there. I’m glad I realized that he hadn’t ever held her or else he would have had to wait even longer. It was really hard to leave her there. They had already fed her an ounce of formula because her blood sugar was low. This upset me but I let it go. I told them I didn’t want them to give her any more formula and that I would be breastfeeding her from now on. They encouraged me to go sleep instead but I refused. I went upstairs, my awesome nurse made me an ice diaper, I slept for 45 minutes and went back down to the NICU to try to feed her. That was when we were really able to ‘meet’ her for the first time, with no time limits.
The difficult part for me was trying to go back and forth from my room to the NICU (2 floors apart) for my meals & meds and also trying to be with Q as much as possible. The hospital did NOT make it easy. They wouldn’t send food down to the NICU and if you weren’t in your room, they would not leave the food for you so I was screwed out of a couple of meals. You shouldn’t have to choose between feeding yourself and feeding your child at one of the BEST WOMEN’S HOSPITALS IN THE USA.
There was one time when they called my room to tell me she was crying and I started down to the NICU (you know, in my wheelchair, pulling along my IV pole with my torn up vagina) and by the time I arrived they had already fed her two ounces of formula. I just about lost it.
Also, thank goodness that I knew that I should start pumping if I had to be away from my baby. I had to ask for pumping equipment and figure it all out for myself. What happens when a woman doesn’t already understand what it takes to establish supply?
I’m happy to say that Q only had a total of 3oz of formula and only in the first 24 hours. The rest of her food came from me, even when I was just pumping colostrum for her. I was lucky and my milk came in on day 2 so since she was getting volume, they didn’t bug me about supplementing. The nurses DID push me to feed her on their 3 hour schedule though and if she slept through a feeding at the breast they’d tell me I needed to stop trying so it wouldn’t mess up the next feeding. That drove me fucking crazy. I couldn’t just hold my baby without a nurse looking over my shoulder and judging what I was doing. We had zero privacy except for when I’d try to nurse then they’d try to prop all of these screens around me and put me in this tiny little box. I told them multiple times that I didn’t want the screens and I didn’t care who saw. It’s the fucking NICU, shouldn’t it be nursing friendly??
Ok, lots of anger is surfacing again so I need to stop. I’ll just say that I could not have been happier to get out of there. (Our discharge time was 11:47PM if that tells you anything about how long it took them to get around to us.) Plus, by the time she was discharged I had been discharged for a day and 1/2 and since I wasn’t resting or laying down like I should have been, I was developing a HUGE vaginal hematoma that took 12 weeks to heal. Awesome. :-/
I always wondered how some women can be so upset/angry about their birth experiences afterwards but now I get it. I still have a lot of negative emotion when I think about the second and third day we were there. Hopefully I’ll be able to work through it and not still be upset a year or years later like some women are.
I don’t feel like I was ‘robbed’ of anything like some people do. The labor and delivery part was really great. My hospital stay and recovery period have been REALLY hard for me though. I wouldn’t wish our experience on anyone. Intense pain, every day, for weeks on end, will wear the strongest person down, you know?
The great news is that I have an amazing daughter who was not adversely effected by any of this. She’s happy and HEALTHY and safe and that’s all that really matters.
Thanks for letting me share. I wish it was more uplifting but that’s just not the case. Can’t wait until I’m actually healed from this, physically and emotionally. It will be great to move forward. One day at a time!
Kangaroo Care in the NICU 4 hours after birth.
