Blogging my life

August 17, 2012

My Global Village

This post is a bit of a break from the usual hum drum of my blog, hopefully in a good way! Just a personal anecdote from me, not documenting my pregnancy or writing a letter to my kid, just me.

This past weekend I had the privilege of flying to NYC for four days and spending the weekend with some of my closest girlfriends in the world…. girls that I met online. When I got engaged in December 2007 I already knew that we were going to have a destination wedding and I was so excited to get planning. I quickly found a message board through theknot.com devoted to planning destination weddings, the DW Board. Since then I’ve been talking to these ladies, many on a daily basis, for almost five years. We’ve gotten married, saw our honeymoon phase come and go, gone through the process of trying to conceive, gotten pregnant, many girls have lost pregnancies, we’ve had babies and we’re raising babies. We started on public message boards but have since moved to a private forum where we can totally be ourselves without worrying about strangers, or people we know in real life, looking at our posts. It’s a pretty incredibly community and I’m so thankful to be a part of it. We are spread out over the entire United States and two of the members live in Europe. These girls have been with me through some of the most significant moments of my life and among them I have found some of my closest friends in the world.

This weekend the transition from talking online for 4+ years to hanging out in person was virtually seamless. We all already knew each other, we could pick up mid conversation and it was like we hang out in person all of the time. It was fabulous to have real time conversations with everyone and seeing more of peoples personalities. One member said it best – “The people I though I would like in person, I really like! And the people I wasn’t sure how I’d feel about them in person… I really like!” and I think we all felt like that.

I’ve never been the type of person that runs with a large, established crowd. My friends tend the be varied and spread out. Don’t get me wrong, I have friends that are local, but I don’t have very many and my best friends have always been elsewhere. I honestly don’t know what I would do if I had a group of local best friends to hang out with all the time. I’ve never even imagined it because I don’t really think it’s possible unless a lot of people move here or I make a bunch of new best friends! I dream of someday having a community like Kelle Hampton talks about where neighbors take care of each other and the kids all grow up together.

Even though it’s hard for me and sometimes I feel sad about it, I know why it’s like this. I started early in life by attending summer camp 500 miles from home in New York State. Most campers were local or from neighboring Ohio so I made friends that lived far away. I wrote lots of letters in those days. When I went to college I chose a small, out of state school where I was the only one from my area. I lost touch with most of my high school friends and my two best friends from college live in Ohio. (Although I count myself very fortunate to have other close college friends as a part of my local friends group). After college I lived in Japan for over a year and when I left, another great girlfriend stayed and she hasn’t come back yet. Do you sense a theme? I’ve never been the type to stay in one place and as a result, my friends are really spread out. That’s just me.

When I left NYC on Sunday night I felt really sad that I probably wouldn’t see most of these girls again for another year, and maybe longer for some. (I’m very fortunate that two of the girls live about an hour away though so I know I’ll see them!) It’s hard to go from being surrounded by your good friends to being alone with a toddler all day. Monday was really hard for me. Reality slapped me in the face and I was bummed out that I don’t have what so many other people seem to have, a great group of local friends who have known each other forever. Other mothers who know what I’m going through and can come by whenever. Etc. Etc.

Maybe someday I’ll have something like that, but for now I’m so thankful for the amazing relationships that I have with the girls I met through the simple fact that we all wanted to get married somewhere amazing. That’s what brought us together in the first place but it’s a testament to the character of these ladies that we’ve become such good friends that we’re still at it almost 5 years later. I sometimes wish that my village of family and friends was immediately available and close at hand but I have a pretty amazing global village of people who will always support me and my family. That’s something I’m thankful for every day.

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July 25, 2012

21-24 Weeks Pregnant

Weeks pregnant: 21, 22, 23, & 24 weeks. I should’ve updated sooner but waited until I had a picture. Oops!

Weight Gain: I’m up 10lbs at 24 weeks.

Size of the baby: Week 21 – Length of a Carrot, Week 22 – Length of a Spaghetti Squash (11 inches), Week 23 – Large Mango – Still about 11 inches and almost 1lb!, Week 24 – About 12 inches long, length of an ear of corn (yum).

Emotional stuff: Seeing T-Rex on ultrasound was a special bonding experience for us. It was nice to have that time alone with S to focus on this baby. Baby doesn’t ever let me forget that I’m pregnant and makes sure I’m thinking about him/her pretty much constantly. Most active kid ever. I thought that Q moved a lot when I was pregnant but I had nothing to compare it to.

I’m getting a little nervous about what it’s going to be like handling a newborn and a two year old by myself every day. And by a little nervous I mean REALLY nervous. There’s not really much I can do to prepare myself so it’s just going to have to be one of those things I have to tackle when the time comes, kind of like labor.

I definitely have some fear of natural (unmedicated) childbirth as well but I think it’s a healthy, respectful fear. I really need to get my rear in gear on finding a doula. I also need to decide what sort of methods I want to incorporate in my birthing strategy. This is a lot more complicated than my plan last time which was to labor at home as long as possible and then get an epidural when I got too uncomfortable. Totally different ball game and I’m definitely a procrastinator so I need to get moving.

Physical stuff: I haven’t had a migraine in 10 weeks and that’s AMAZING. I haven’t had ant noteworthy nausea either, so that’s a relief. I’m starting to get regular heartburn but that is expected and Zantac is my friend.

Crazy baby likes to beat me up from the inside. As I type this I’ve received 3 bladder punches, a kick to my belly button and kicks 3 inches above my belly button. If I didn’t know any better I’d swear that I’m carrying a tap dancing octopus in there. This baby moves around and covers a lot of ground with kicks, punches and rolls.

I’m starting to feel the strain of lifting Q and of bending over. I get really tight on the under side of my belly from hip bone to hip bone. It’s uncomfortable to say the least. I am looking forward to transitioning Q to a toddler bed simply because lifting her in and out of the crib is getting really hard! The rest of the transition I’m not looking forward to, haha.

The heat is kicking my butt. It’s consistently been in the 90’s and Q loves to be outside regardless of how hot it is. I try to go out in the mornings before it gets too hot but it takes a lot out of me, especially when I end up carrying her home from wherever we go. Rainy days, air conditioning and fans are my friends.

I can’t stop eating: Fresh fruits and veggies are still my favorite. A ripe peach gave me a mouth orgasm today, it was awesome. 🙂

I can’t even look at: Fried foods aren’t attractive to me right now at all. Not since I had an incident with McDonalds a few weeks back.

Fitness: Do kegels count? Yeah, not much going on here in the fitness department.

Birth prep: Still interviewing doulas! Also looking at birth classes.

Baby prep: Went through our newborn clothes and picked out the stuff that can be used for a winter baby and there isn’t much of it!

Breastfeeding: We made it to two years! I’m so proud of us. That being said, I think we are done! We’ve only nursed one time in the past week and that was after she fell down some stairs and couldn’t calm down. It feels like a natural progression. I’m not sad or even relieved, I don’t have any strong feelings about it besides being very happy that we did it for so long. In a few short months these boobs will belong to T-Rex so I’m enjoying the break!

Just for fun, here’s a comparison shot of me at 24 weeks 2 days with Q and on the same day of pregnancy with T-Rex. I think I look pretty much the same!

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July 11, 2012

Dear Q, Two Years Old

Dear Q,

Wow, baby girl, you really aren’t a baby any more. How did two years pass in the blink of an eye? ::cue tears:: This is going to be a rough one for Mama to write!

This time two years ago we were in our apartment on Lawrence in Uptown, the air conditioner was broken and we did a quick newborn session on our sun porch. One of the images from that session hangs on canvas in your room! Everything was new. Daddy and I were drinking you in and memorizing every little detail of your teeny tiny self. We were learning how to breastfeed and THAT was an adventure. We figured it out though! I remember Daddy feeding me lasagna while I was feeding you because all of the sudden I was so hungry that it was physically impossible for life to continue without food in my stomach! I remember all of the little baby smells mixed with summer air, the sounds of your little grunts and goat like cries, the softness of your newborn skin, the feeling of you latching and milk letting down. It was all so new and precious.

Life is so different now! Breastfeeding became second nature to us and we’ve made it to two years and beyond! I hope when you read this later in your life it’s something that you think is awesome, because it really is! For the past two years it has been pretty much your favorite thing in the entire world, I’m so glad we’ve been able to do this together.

What is Q like at two? I find you to be equally hilarious, exuberant, thoughtful, and challenging. If it were up to you we would always spend our days outside playing, eating snacks on the run, spending time with cousins and friends, watching Signing Time and cuddling in Mommy & Daddy’s bed. You love to be outside, especially when it involves exploring and getting dirty. We can’t make it the half block to the garage to get the car without you stopping to pick up a handful of dirt from wherever you can find it and dropping it somewhere else. You will find a way to splash in any puddle you see. Everything is silly to you. You love to run and jump and tickle and somersault. You talk about your friends and family when they aren’t around and you love to call them or facetime with them. You love going to the park, the pool, the library and the children’s museum. Staying home doesn’t interest you!

Just about a week before your birthday you started showing interest in baby dolls and now you love your baby doll that we got you for your birthday. You sleep with it at night and like to carry it around, have Mommy nurse it and then pat its back to make it burp. You also still love balls, you got some emergency vehicle toys for your birthday that you really enjoy and when you see real fire trucks, ambulances and buses you get SO excited. You love to dance, jump, and spin until you fall down, especially in front of the mirror. You also prefer to have your tantrums in front of the mirror so you can watch yourself cry. I crack up every time.

You talk and sign all the time. I thought about trying to count your words but decided there was no way to come up with all of them! You use 2-3 word sentences and most of the time we understand you but if we don’t you’re good about repeating yourself until we do. There are a few cute speech quirks that you have that deserve documentation. Crackers = quackers, which is adorable. We always imagined that you’d pronounce our last name “Quane” and sure enough, thats how you say it. You also put an N sound before Gs so Doggies = Dongies, Wiggle = Wingle, Bagel = Bangle. It’s adorable. You know a LOT of signs (thanks Signing Time!) and you really enjoy when we quiz you on them. If you don’t know a sign for sure you’ll just throw up a sign around your mouth, which is often very close. 🙂

You give hugs, kisses and cuddles to us when we ask and sometimes spontaneously. “Hug” “Tiss” “Cuddoo”. You love kissing the baby in my belly and blowing raspberries on there too. You also enjoy some kind of weird things like kissing my armpits & beauty marks but I promise not to tell your future boyfriends. 🙂 You’re also starting to be more expressive in your facial expressions including your Skeptical face where you furrow your brows and give me a look like “you can’t be serious”. When we are in the car you like to practice your facial expressions in the mirror on the seat back, it’s hilarious. I’m just glad you don’t know how to roll your eyes yet. 🙂

You still love our kitties. You call Stella “Dellas” and you’ve gotten really good at pronouncing George. You will yell at them when they jump on things they shouldn’t jump on and you love to pet them, especially Stella who is still pretty scared of you. I really feel for that cat when TRex comes home. She’s going to have a rough time!

You’re a moderately picky eater but in fairness to you, we don’t offer a crazy wide variety of food most weeks. You’ve mastered using a fork and a cup without a lid and that has expanded your eating horizons. You love fruit of any kind, you love cheerios and crackers, you ask for fruit snacks about 45 times a day and you love cookies and cake as much as your daddy, except we don’t usually keep them in the house! You like chicken, pasta, taco meat (sometimes), quesadilla, waffles, pancakes, eggs, and of course bacon! Food is usually hit or miss with you. We could give you the same thing 5 times in a row and sometimes you’ll only eat it 1 time of those five. We keep trying though!

And sleep, oh sweet sleep. In the past 2 years you’ve ranged from waking up 5+ times a night to sleeping 11 hour stretches. Neither habit tends to last longer than a few weeks. Your current normal is going to bed around 7:30, waking 1-2 times a night (midnight and 3:00 or just 3:00) and then getting up for the day between 6:00 and 7:00. When you wake up you ask for Mommy, water and sometimes cheerios. 🙂 I really enjoyed when you were sleeping from 7:00-7:00 so feel free to go back to that at any time! I’m nervous that bringing the new baby home will really mess up your sleep so I’m not looking forward to that. We also plan to transition you to a toddler bed in a few months before the baby gets here so that will be another adventure to look forward to!

This post is probably pretty boring to anyone who isn’t you or me but I want to try to remember everything. You change SO fast that I’m always afraid something special will slip through and be forgotten forever. That’s also why I take so many pictures. I don’t want to miss a thing! My friends with new babies sometimes ask what you were like at a certain age and it breaks my heart when I can’t remember. So this blog is a gift to you but also a gift to myself. If you’re anything like me you’ll enjoy reading about yourself someday.

I wish there was an adequate way to express to you how much I love you. I still remember the feeling of carrying you inside me, feeling your every movement and meeting your every need without even having to think about it. We were one unit, symbiotic, whole and safe. I had so many dreams for you and was so excited to meet you and see what you looked like. Then I gave birth to you which is an experience that changed my life forever. Since then you have made me a mother. So much of it was instinctual but a lot of it was something I had to learn and it’s been quite a ride. I look back at my life before you came and it just seems lackluster in comparison to all that I have now with you here. Each day with you is an amazing gift. You truly are my heart embodied in perfect human form. I love you so much.

Happy 2nd Birthday, my precious child. My first born. Light of my world.

I love you,

Mommy

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July 2, 2012

Dear Baby Two, 21 Weeks Pregnant

Dear Baby, T-Rex, Crazy Child,

I’m sitting here thinking about all the things I want to say to you and you’re having your 437th dance party of the day in my belly. You are a mover and a shaker, that much I know for sure. Everyone I’ve talked to has said that their babies personalities were pretty apparent even before they were born so I have some time to prepare for a little wild child to make an appearance in November!

First off, I’d like to apologize for all of the comparisons to your sister. It’s started from the moment I found out I was pregnant and I know it’s going to continue to a certain degree for your whole life, so I’m sorry. You’re already differentiating yourself from her though, no mistaking that! When you get here I have no doubt that you will be an individual and pave your own road. Just know that the comparisons are made out of love. I love your sister and I love you.

We got to see you on Friday for the 20 week anatomy scan and it was awesome. We warned the ultrasound tech that we have a very active baby in there and you did not disappoint. When the scan started you had your legs up over your head and throughout the scan you did more than one somersault, kicked and punched, stretched out completely lengthwise, and even flipped over on your face. We were all cracking up. Just as a comparison (I know!) your sister lay on her back with her head wedged behind my hip bone for her entire anatomy scan. 🙂 Somehow the tech managed to get all of the views that she needed to get and the great news is that you look 100% healthy and perfect! I got all teary eyed when I saw your beautiful profile. I can’t wait to see what you look like! Daddy and I loved being able to spend some time “seeing” you. It makes you feel a bit more tangible instead of just this little anonymous ninja kicking away in my belly.

When you arrive I know our world will be turned upside down but I’m so excited for you to get here. For some reason I’m fixated on Christmas and how amazing it’s going to be to celebrate as a family of four. I’m thinking of you and Q matching pajamas and snuggling together on Christmas morning while she tears into presents. It’s going to be awesome. Then we’ll get to go see all of your cousins and meet Aunt J’s baby girl who will only be a little older than you. There’s just so much to look forward to. Hopefully you’ll be here by Thanksgiving and we’ll be able to celebrate that with our family too but that one is up in the air! (Please, Please, PLEASE be here by Thanksgiving! Q came at 37 weeks and I’m not expecting that but 42 weeks would be a bit rough on Mama. Plus, we have a not-so-good family history of hospitalizations over Thanksgiving that I REALLY don’t want to continue. Ask me about it sometime.)

I’ll write more to you soon. You’re kicking the keyboard and my belly is jumping. It’s crazy how strong you are already. Your sister was not this strong at this point, belly jumping kicks didn’t happen for several more weeks!

Stay busy in there, just please lay off the bladder, it’s driving me nuts! I love knowing you’re safe and sound inside me and I cherish this time that we have as one unit. You are listening to my heartbeat right now and that kind of blows my mind. I love you so much, little one. Keep growing, we’re excited for you to come out and join us in a few more months!

Love you always,

Mommy

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June 29, 2012

18, 19 & 20 Weeks Pregnant

Weeks pregnant: 18, 19 & 20 weeks.

Weight Gain: I’m up 6lbs at 20 weeks. When I was pregnant with Q I was up 4lbs at this point.

Size of the baby: Week 18 – About the size of a bell pepper. Babycenter says “The size of an heirloom tomato” which means next to nothing to me, so, about 6 inches crown to rump. Week 19 – Week 20 – The length of a banana

Emotional stuff: Things continue to be good. I love summer! One of my dear friends had her baby boy and meeting him reminded me of how small and floppy and fragile little newborns are! It also made me imagine having a little brother for Q and I’m getting used to the idea. Again, we aren’t finding out but I have it in my head that this one’s a boy. My friends think so too. I know that it will be different to have a boy but it won’t be SOOOO different. I still feel like I’d be more at ease with another girl but hey, sometimes it’s good to step outside your comfort zone!

We got back some baby gear that we had lent out and let me tell you, it was bizarre seeing a bouncy seat in my living room! This kid is very good at reminding me several times a day that he’s in there as he’s the most active baby ever but it’s still kind of easy to forget that pretty soon there’s going to be a baby in my living room sitting in the bouncy seat!

I’m feeling very appreciative of my husband and little Q and really basking in the beauty of these last few months of being a family of 3.

Physical stuff: I felt really good for weeks 18 and most of 19 but the end of week 19 and early week 20 I was feeling nauseated constantly again (to the point of throwing up several times) and I had a permanent headache for a few days. Thankfully I’ve had two good days in a row so hopefully that was just a weird fluke and now it’s over.

I look a lot bigger in the bump picture from week 20 but it’s really just the angle of the photo. My bump is still pretty small but I’m on track with where I was for my first pregnancy. The baby loves to use my bladder as a trampoline so that gets uncomfortable really fast. Today I feel like it’s bruised or something!

I’m starting to get a bit of heartburn which I only expect to get worse over time. It was pretty brutal at the end last time. Other than that, things are good. I’m still able to sleep (when Q and the cats let me) and my hips and back have been feeling good. The heat sucks and I find myself getting really hot and winded more easily so I’ve been taking it easy and enjoying the air conditioning.

I can’t stop eating: Fresh fruits and veggies have been great. I love our little garden out back and the inexpensive berries available at the store! We make a caprese pasta salad pretty regularly and I’ve been using fresh tomato and basil from the garden. Today I added avocado and some feta and it blew my taste buds. So good!! Yum. Now I want some more. haha

I can’t even look at: Chicken breasts. Mostly imagining them raw is the problem. yuck yuck yuck.

Fitness: We go for walks when it’s not brutally hot. That’s about it right now.

Birth prep: I read the birthing books and we’re still interviewing doulas.

Baby prep: Still not much. We’re slowly re-collecting the baby gear that we lent out to friends and relatives so that’s coming back to us. That’s about it for right now!

Breastfeeding: Well, I think we are at an end of breastfeeding. It’s kind of crazy! She still asks for milk and wants to have access to my breasts but the milk is gone and she doesn’t even try to latch on most of the time. I know dates are kind of arbitrary but I’m going to keep offering when she asks until her birthday next week and then after that I’ll probably stop. Even though she’s pretty much done, we are only DAYS away from two years of breastfeeding so I’m going to let her if she wants to just to get to that milestone!